strange to stop and think

i stopped from my work of the day to consider some of the things that make me stop my work of the day and feel like writing.  i wanted to create this blog so as to leave a link to things that seem to make life different as i recognize them from what life used to be.  as the title might suggest its about some change into becoming an adult.  it's one of those things that seem to be a threshold that one could argue only ourselves could come into knowing or it could be something that only an outsider would be able to recognize.  the difficult version is to recognize it ourselves.  the outsider has a much easier time at recognizing when we have turned into that thing we never wanted to be.  its like how calling yourself cool never makes you cool, but by having someone else see it and confirm it thus makes it so.

does becoming an adult involve doing more work in a day than compared to the time having fun?  if thats the case thats what today held in store for me.  studying to be a professional for several hours in the day, chewing off fingernails in frustration, putting work first, getting groceries, not drinking a beer, working thru the bears game, and only stopping to reminisce when theres not even an hour left in the day.  only to recognize as well that i should instead be using this time to prepare for bed.

it would seem that the adults who have mastered how to not be miserable with such a lifestyle of work must be the ones who truly love their jobs.  then again that is where the difference lies.  those people have jobs whereas i am only in training and cannot truly compare myself because i don't possess the requisite skills to be in the same boat as those who have already passed the trials i have at hand.

why does anyone really want to do what they do?  i want to be a lawyer because it has multiple routes to take.  i don't know which one i want to take.  i really love the entertainment business and at times feel i should be involved in that either in the background or in the spotlight.  i have enjoyed making people laugh for as long as i can remember.  how can i combine my talents?  should i not combine the talents yet pursue both?  i don't really know what to do.  some days i feel i will rock the shit out of the law, other days i hate life.  some days i want to drop law and go be a comedian, and other times feel i should just do both.  i have the potential to do either i feel.  i can also do both.  maybe ill look into this second idea.

goodnight children.