something to write about

CH 1 a search

ever think you may be in love?  then did things just go horribly wrong?  unless you are currently married then there's a good chance this issue has come up in your life.

what is love though?  we all seem to search for it.  everyone is on a search for something.  most people have a search to do each day.  mine today was go to school and get through class.  read a certain amount for the next day.  fill out some forms.  the search was to get to the end of the day with enough stored up readiness for the next day.  I'm still on my way to that for today.

Then there is the next level of searching.  On a bit bigger scale expanding that search to the length of a week and semester, or a project, or an assignment, a client's problem, or a year.  Theres some bigger goal in which your daily goals had some small contribution to.  Again my day today was in order to help me accomplish my courses for law school.  I wrote down on my board all the reading goals ill have over spring break.  That will help.  Not here to really talk about the school though.  Really I'm trying to diminish the these searches in relation to the real ultimate goals that people just exist for in life.

I like to think that I'm on this earth to find some sort of happiness.  There is the whole religious aspect that can be thrown in to be a good person into the Kingdom of God but that's not really what I'm talking about in particular here - but I recognize the importance of it.  I mean to think that what else are we striving for in this world?  I'd like to think the ultimate goal is happiness.  Who would have thought a colon and end parenthesis could present such an enormous idea to the world.

Some people come across as assholes because all they seem to be about is money.  Material goods, spending, shopping, splurging.  Who am I to say that those things are really bad?  The world goes round based on people buying things.  Everybody makes a living based on getting money.  In order for people to just get food it requires money to pay for the work to produce it.  If one person has the ability to buy more, then that person is spreading the wealth in an intermediate medium.

But even someone who is searching after money is really doing it because the things money can bring can bring happiness.  Not everyone needs money to be happy.  I'd have to say that it helps.  The old adage of money doesn't buy happiness is often joked that that is what poor people say.  Everyone would take a $20 off your hands if you offered it to them.  If you offered a wad of unmarked non-sequential $20's then people might be suspicious but if you were offering it plenty of people would find a way to enjoy the money.  I feel like I'm getting into a more tangent discussion of money being fun than I really want to.  The point I really want to make is that there are multiple routes to happiness.  Some people can find happiness in working on their body and staying in shape.  Arnold Schwartzenagger once said he liked working out like he enjoyed having sex.  Good for him - I don't have that same kind of enjoyment from it.  Other people can find happiness from reading a good book.  Other find happiness in creating music.  I would argue that most everyone finds happiness in a social context.

There are multiple levels of this social context.  It could having privacy from others.  Sometimes I just need time to myself to think.  To relax.  To think or not think.  Sometimes I can lie awake at night thinking of things I don't have time for during the day.  It often throws off my sleep schedule but it is a good time to not be distracted by the temporal world.

Other times I just need someone to talk to.  Having a person to confide in is a wonderful benefit to have in this world.  Sometimes people may have certain people for certain topics but I like to have one person who I can say anything to.  If you don't have one of those, you should try to find one.  It is hard to find that person and you should consider yourself lucky to have one.  I found one in college and try to chat with him as often as I can even if its just a text, a joke, or if I need to a discussion in life.

Then it can be great to have a little group of friends you can turn to enjoy your time with.  This could be just as hard as find that one person to talk to, because now one has to juggle 4 or 5 people.  And organizing peoples schedules can be a tax.

saved as part 1.

strange to stop and think

i stopped from my work of the day to consider some of the things that make me stop my work of the day and feel like writing.  i wanted to create this blog so as to leave a link to things that seem to make life different as i recognize them from what life used to be.  as the title might suggest its about some change into becoming an adult.  it's one of those things that seem to be a threshold that one could argue only ourselves could come into knowing or it could be something that only an outsider would be able to recognize.  the difficult version is to recognize it ourselves.  the outsider has a much easier time at recognizing when we have turned into that thing we never wanted to be.  its like how calling yourself cool never makes you cool, but by having someone else see it and confirm it thus makes it so.

does becoming an adult involve doing more work in a day than compared to the time having fun?  if thats the case thats what today held in store for me.  studying to be a professional for several hours in the day, chewing off fingernails in frustration, putting work first, getting groceries, not drinking a beer, working thru the bears game, and only stopping to reminisce when theres not even an hour left in the day.  only to recognize as well that i should instead be using this time to prepare for bed.

it would seem that the adults who have mastered how to not be miserable with such a lifestyle of work must be the ones who truly love their jobs.  then again that is where the difference lies.  those people have jobs whereas i am only in training and cannot truly compare myself because i don't possess the requisite skills to be in the same boat as those who have already passed the trials i have at hand.

why does anyone really want to do what they do?  i want to be a lawyer because it has multiple routes to take.  i don't know which one i want to take.  i really love the entertainment business and at times feel i should be involved in that either in the background or in the spotlight.  i have enjoyed making people laugh for as long as i can remember.  how can i combine my talents?  should i not combine the talents yet pursue both?  i don't really know what to do.  some days i feel i will rock the shit out of the law, other days i hate life.  some days i want to drop law and go be a comedian, and other times feel i should just do both.  i have the potential to do either i feel.  i can also do both.  maybe ill look into this second idea.

goodnight children.